Managing your validation score retirement

Transcript

One of the things I learned after I retired is that I basically have a validation score. I have like a degree of validation that I feel like I need from external sources. And let's just say that my score, I always wanted it to be a 10. So while I was at work, you know, I felt regularly validated. Like most people, especially worker bees, you know, work is a great place to get validation. And I wouldn't say it's a great place, but it's a very common place to get validation. And then when I retired, that just stopped. So if my validation score was like a 10 while I was working, it became like a 1 or a 2 when I retired. And it didn't really bother me for a while because I was distracted with all the, you know, shiny fun things of retirement. But pretty soon I started feeling like I wasn't being validated. And I started wondering, like, are people acknowledging and validating me less? Like, do people really not like me being around? Do people like not like my stories? Am I around people too much? Am I starting to bother the people around me? And while all of those things may also be true, I realized mostly it was that I felt less validated because I was receiving less validation. Because I didn't have the work validation anymore. But I was trying to replace it. And I was trying to work with those people around me. And it's just not obviously fair to them. And it's not possible. Like, your family and friends can never replace your work validation if that's where you were getting it from. So, you know, for me, ideally, I just need to reduce my need for validation. And that's not going to happen overnight. But one of the things that I've done that's been helpful is I've identified some tools that help me to sort of, you know, help me to sort of soothe that need for validation, you know, while I'm feeling unvalidated. And obviously, while at the same time working through the stuff that makes me feel like I need that all the time. But if you're retired, you may not feel it right away. But pretty soon you'll start feeling not as validated. And, you know, if you can learn anything from me, just from my experiences, that is, don't turn to the people around you to make up for that because it's not possible and it's not fair. And it's better to figure it out. And even if it's, you know, therapy or just things that you know that you can do that make you feel better. But don't wear everyone around you out trying to get your validation replaced by them because they only have as much as they have. And they've been giving that to you all along. And when the work validation goes away. You just have to figure out how to process that. Anyway, that was my experience. I hope it's helpful.