Replying to a commenter Melly ha Get him I definitely h…

Transcript

Mellie says, I'm worried that my, and I'm paraphrasing, I'm worried that my husband's just going to sit around all day and I'm not going to be okay with that. And I see the smiley. So I know you're sort of saying that tongue in cheek, but also kind of worried about it. And that's cool. That's smart. Like you're actually thinking about it instead of waiting till retirement and sort of stewing about it and letting it become a thing. So that's self-awareness. And it's awesome that you're thinking about it. But I will tell you this, there might be sort of a happy medium. I don't know your husband and your relationship or whatever, but when people talk about doing nothing in retirement, it's often mistaken for being sedentary. So I do nothing in retirement, but I move around a lot. I walk a lot. I piddle a lot. And I stay very active. I used my retirement to get healthier. So maybe there's a good, happy. ground where you and your husband talk about it and you say, Hey, would you be cool with me? You know, uh, uh, poking you a little bit when I feel like you're getting a little bit sedentary and making sure that you're staying healthy and staying active. You know, he might appreciate that. I know Amy and I do. We have a super, super rare relationship where she doesn't have to work, but she likes to, and I don't ride her about working. I don't say, well, we'd be able to take that vacation. If you weren't like, that's cool. If she likes working, then she should work. And she knows that, you know, I'm, I'm making a career out of doing nothing and she's cool with that. And so we kind of stay out of each other's business in that way. But I am not at all coming at you for this because it's important for us to care about what our partner's doing. And, um, one of the things Amy and I do that works really well for us is, you know, like most people, we count steps. So she might tell me like, I've got, you know, 9,700 steps today. And I'll look at my steps and I'll have like 3,200 and I'll, miraculously find someplace I need to walk to because I don't like getting, getting clobbered on my steps by that much. So, you know, we have, we just kind of like joke around about our steps, but we don't, we don't write each other about exercise or activity or any of that stuff. We just let each other do our thing. But I wanted to tell you a story and I don't want you to think I'm again, like coming at you for feeling this way, because A, you're partially kidding and B, every relationship's different. And you guys are probably, you probably have it figured out and it works for you. Um, I had a friend whose husband retired, um, a little bit before I retired. And, uh, and I was talking with her about it. And I said, uh, what's he doing in retirement? And she said, he sits around pretty much watches TV all day. And I was so proud of her for the way she described it because she wasn't being snarky. She wasn't judging him. She wasn't being sarcastic. She was just saying that's what he does with his time. And she's cool with it. Um, but she told me something really smart. She said, um, I told him that, um, when, when he retires, it's not going to be my responsibility to entertain him and, um, be busy with him or do things like, like, uh, stop doing the things I love because he's retired. And she said, we actually talked about that. And, uh, and I let him know that, uh, just because you're retired doesn't mean that my life changes. And that is such a super healthy thing to get out there, especially when one partner's working and the other isn't. Um, but yeah, I was, I was, super happy with the fact that she was just like, no, that's what he wants to do. And this guy worked a hard job for a long time and he worked hard and he did a good job. If he wants to just watch TV all day, good on him. Um, but let's, um, remember that being, being, uh, retired and not doing things doesn't necessarily mean that you're being sedentary. But I also have to say, if your choice is to be sedentary, that's cool too. Like if someone says, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to sit around literally, and I'm going to balloon up like Jabba the Hutt. And that's going to be my retirement. That's their choice. I celebrate it. I don't think most people would want to do that, but there may be people who want to do that. But most people, when they retire and they say they're doing nothing, they don't mean they're being sedentary. They mean that they're escaping or eschewing the utilitarian perspective of their existence.